Opening the Conversation Around Masculinity, Emotions, and Healing
Despite growing awareness, men continue to face significant stigma around mental health. In many cultures, men are still told to “tough it out,” “don’t cry,” or “get over it.” From a young age, a lot of boys are taught that showing emotion makes them weak, or that asking for help is something they should be ashamed of. These ideas stick and over time, they turn into silence.
That silence is the stigma. And for men, it’s often wrapped up in outdated ideas about what it means to “be a man.” These so-called masculine norms,(being strong, stoic, in control) like qualities to admire. But when they’re taken to the extreme, they can shut men off from their own emotional lives. They send the message that struggling means failure. That sadness, fear, or anxiety should be hidden. That therapy is “not for guys like me.”
On the other side, the cultural norms around masculinity often discourage emotional expression, also leading many men to suffer in silence. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), men are less likely to seek treatment for mental health challenges, yet have higher rates of substance use disorders and suicide.
Depression and suicide are ranked as a leading cause of death among men. Six million men are affected by depression in the United States every single year. Men (79% of 38,364) die by suicide at a rate four times higher than women (Mental Health America [MHA], 2020). They also die due to alcohol-related causes at 62,000 in comparison to women at 26,000. Men are also two to three times more likely to misuse drugs than women (Center for Behavioral Health Statistics and Quality, 2017). These statistics are troubling because they reinforce the notion that males are less likely to seek help and more likely than women to turn to dangerous, unhealthy behaviors.
Mental health–related stigma is a broad term encompassing several interconnected forms: public (social) stigma, self-stigma, professional stigma, and cultural stigma.
- Public stigma refers to the widespread negative attitudes and disapproval directed toward individuals with mental health conditions. These attitudes often stem from the mistaken belief that mental illness reflects personal weakness or flawed character. As a result, individuals facing mental health challenges may experience discrimination, social exclusion, and rejection. This is the most commonly discussed form of stigma.
- Self-stigma occurs when individuals internalize these societal beliefs, leading to feelings of shame, reduced self-esteem, and reluctance to seek help.
- Professional stigma involves health care providers—consciously or unconsciously—perpetuating negative stereotypes about mental illness, which can influence the quality of care delivered to those affected.
- Cultural stigma reflects how different cultural backgrounds shape beliefs, attitudes, and interpretations of mental illness, often contributing to unique barriers to understanding and treatment.
Men don’t need to choose between strength and vulnerability. Both can exist at once. Mindfulness, for example, isn’t about sitting cross-legged on a mountaintop. It’s about checking in with yourself. Taking a deep breath instead of stuffing things down. Noticing when you’re hurting instead of pretending everything’s fine. It’s simple, honest, and powerful, and it helps men reconnect with what’s real.
How Mindfulness Encourages Emotional Openness in Men
This practice helps interrupt automatic, emotionally avoidant responses like denial, anger, or distraction.
Through mindfulness, men can:
- Recognize suppressed emotions and bodily cues (e.g., clenched jaw, shallow breathing)
- Create space between a thought and a reaction
- Develop self-awareness and acceptance without shame
- Reframe emotional vulnerability as inner strength
Let’s hear a patient story:
Carlos is a 39-year-old father of two, working in construction. After losing his brother unexpectedly, something shifted. He stopped sleeping well, got irritated over small things, and started avoiding his friends and family. But when his wife suggested therapy, he brushed it off:
“I’m not the type to sit around talking about my feelings. I just need to handle it.”
Weeks turned into months. His patience got thinner, and he started drinking more at night to shut his brain off. What finally pushed him to seek help wasn’t a dramatic breakdown… it was the moment his daughter asked him, “Why are you always mad, Papi?”
That question hit him hard.
In therapy, Carlos didn’t feel ready to talk much at first. So his therapist introduced mindfulness, not in a mystical or “spiritual” way as he thought, but in small, doable steps. A two-minute breathing check-in. A body scan before bed. Journaling, even if it was just a few angry words on paper.
At first, Carlos wasn’t sure it would work. “Puff, journaling? Writing in paper? Who does that?” But after a few weeks, he noticed that he was yelling less. He started catching his racing thoughts before they spiraled. He even found himself sitting quietly on his porch at night, without a drink in his hand and… just listening, breathing, giving attention to his body and mind.
“It’s not like I’m fixed,” he says. “But now, I have something I can do when I feel like I’m spinning. I don’t bottle it up like before. I still don’t talk a ton… but I pay attention. That alone has made a huge difference.”
The Role of Providers in Reaching Men
Providers play a critical role in helping male patients feel safe, understood, and respected. Consider the following strategies:
- Use Language That Resonates
Frame mindfulness around values like “focus,” “mental performance,” “resilience,” or “emotional strength.”
- Normalize Emotional Discomfort
Acknowledge cultural pressures: “A lot of men feel like they have to handle everything alone—let’s talk about that.”
- Incorporate Mindfulness Early
Use short breathing exercises in session to model emotional regulation in real-time.
- Explore Values and Identity
Ask questions like: “What does strength mean to you?” and “Where did you learn that emotions were dangerous?”
For many men, mindfulness can be the doorway into mental health care, helping them move past stigma, build emotional intelligence, and engage more fully in their lives.
Breaking the silence begins with just one breath.
References
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Men and Mental Health.
Wong, Y. J., Ho, M. H. R., Wang, S. Y., & Miller, I. S. K. (2017). Meta-analyses of the relationship between conformity to masculine norms and mental health-related outcomes. Psychology of Men & Masculinities, 18(4), 409.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life.
Halifax, J. (2018). Standing at the Edge: Finding Freedom Where Fear and Courage Meet.